July 13th, 2010

World Cup Criers: A Meme On Man Tears

Image via Getty/Daylife

Another World Cup has come and gone. Hearts have either been broken or burst open with pride. Credit card debt has its moment in the sun. All the Budweiser has been tapped dry. And tears. So many tears have been shed, we wish we’d gotten into the eye cream/cold spoon merch six months ago.

We’ve lovingly covered crying men in the past. But this time around, it’s different. The stakes were so high, emotions so on edge. And thus, the cry-game was elevated to new, lip quivering heights.

Let’s examine, shall we?

Above is Ghana’s Asamoah Gyan, demonstrating I Let An Entire Continent Down tears. We feel for him, Kickettes. Gyan had a great tournament, but at that crucial moment during Ghana’s quarterfinal match against Uruguay, he failed to convert a penalty kick that would have helped his team advance to the semifinals and kept African hopes alive. We’re hoping someone has Fed-Exed him an industrial sized box of Ferrero Rocher. And a therapist. Bless.

Gerard Pique is crying I’ve Peaked At Age 23 tears. (We have tubes of mascara older than that.) The delectable Spanish defender may have just joined the ranks of the most decorated athletes ever, Kickettes: he’s won two Champions League titles (Man United and Barcelona), the Spanish treble, and now the World Cup.

Where can he go from here? Best to just call it a career now before you start doing ridiculous promos, Ger. Er wait…

Image: AP Photo

Cry me a RiverOur favorite pint-sized sexy Frenchman Patrice Evra wants us to think he’s crying ZOMG I’m Playing For My Country At The World Cup tears.

In actuality, he is crying, What The Crap Did I Get Myself Into and How Fast Can I Book My Hols? tears.

We may never know the truth about what happened to France in South Africa, but seeing so many of our favorite hommes with the sads was bad for our Louboutin budget.

Image: PacificCoastNews.com

hot soccer players world cupIker Casillas was certainly not shy about showing emotion during this year’s tournament. The man of the moment cried some Is This A Mental Breakdown Because I Can’t Stop Sobbing And It’s A Big One, We’re Talking Ugly Cry Face, Snot Running Down My Face And I Don’t Care Who Knows It, Also I Need A Hug  And A Tissue, Please tears. And… we love him even more for it. To love Iker, is to love his emo. Winning the World Cup was the perfect storm of career achievment and mental touchstone in one.

Image: JAVIER SORIANO/AFP/Getty Images.

Fernando Torres criesOh Fern.

These are, unquestionably, Why Me???!??! tears. To say that our favourite freckle-bearer had a less than stellar tournament is an understatement. He wasn’t match fit, but tried hard anyway. Rest up please, Nando. We need your freckles for the start of the domestic season or we’re going to have to borrow Gyan’s box of Ferrero Rocher. And that might make him cry again.

Image credit: Doug Pensinger/Getty Images.

And let’s not forget some of the other sad lads we featured – from Fabio Quagliarella, who brought his Utter And Complete Despair sobs out for Italy after their early exit; Landon Donovan’s post-game interview breakdown (Sobbing Uncontrollably But I Got This, Don’t Worry tears) and team-mate Benny Feilhaber’s No One This Pretty Should Ever Be Sad tears; and one of the tournament stand-outs: Wesley Sneijder’s My Lip May Quiver But I Will Not Break despair.

We’re off to get a box of tissues and a pint of tea. Sniffle.

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67 Responses to “World Cup Criers: A Meme On Man Tears”

  1. quite says:

    What about Cardozo? he was inconsolable after the Paraguay v Spain game, it was heartbreaking.

  2. Evodia says:

    HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! OMF Kickette! Everyday you give me new reason to love you more. LOL the Iker bit killed me! I'm crying now… from laughing. You guys are pretty awesome! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

  3. Catie says:

    I’m sure people have heard already, but just in case here is an article about Nando’s newly acquired injury. He should be back in fine form for the opener, and instead of stealing chocolates from Gyan he can be consoled with hugs (Yeah, sure. “Hugs” ;D ):

    http://espn.go.com/sports/soccer/news/_/id/5379803/fernando-torres-liverpool-thigh-injury-expected-back-opener

  4. Ellen says:

    I love Iker with the fire of a thousand suns, but you have to wonder how much of his post-goal teary relief was due to the fact that he wasn't going to have to face the chance of losing the game for Spain on penalties again like in 2002. Poor boy, he was so young then, you just wanted to take him home and cuddle him until he felt better. He's come a long way! viva espana y San Iker!

    • Zhenya says:

      So true! I hate thinking of all the pressure any GK feels during PK shoot-out. I’m an Azzurri fan but the look on the French GK’s face as he sat against the post after Grosso made the winning penalty in the 2006 WC final was heart wrenching. :(

  5. Little Miss Arsenal says:

    I will never forget Gyan’s penalty miss…Ghana was soooooo quiet. Luis Suarez is probably the MOST HATED MAN in Ghana right now! But we’ve forgiven Gyan (sort of) he played really well for us…

  6. mahn says:

    awww, poor thing!

  7. Jude says:

    Awww ‘nando :( i missed the game for that, does anyone have a clip of it?

  8. aristeia says:

    Iker's crying post-WC win is probably the "happy" crying that's got me the most in recent years. His sappiness is absolutely adorable & too sweet. Quags' breakdown was pretty bad for me, especially considering when it happened I was already sobbing myself & about to throw up. However, I don't know if I'll ever get over Croatia's Srna in Euros '08. I wanted to crawl into my tv and cradle that poor man. Even to think of it now, I instantly tear up. Oh god… D:

    I'm not even embarrassed to admit that I nearly offered up my soul to the devil for my poor Fernando to score in that game. I just wanted so badly for him to be happy. And then for him to be put in in the last 15 minutes and a minute before the final whistle, go down w/ an injury… and while everyone's celebrating he's god knows where hurt. :'( I couldn't even be completely happy about them winning until I saw him appear. Lol, even my parents were concerned. My mom shouted, "there he is!" when we saw him. ;)

  9. Zhenya says:

    My heartbroke when I saw Fabio Cannavaro reach down for Fabio Quagliarella!:( I’m getting sad just thinking about it now, but I had happy tears when Iker had those tears behind the gloves when Iniesta scored!

  10. Jude says:

    Aww, nandoooo. :( Does anyone have the clip of that though? I didn't notice it during the game.

  11. ScarletHarlot says:

    What about the lovely Eduardo crying in Iker’s arms after Portugal’s loss to Spain? TWO beautiful keepers in that shot!

  12. Violets says:

    Iker isn't a pretty crier, and I love him all the more for it.

    I'm off to cry some woman tears about the end of the WC. I have to get a life again. Somehow.

    • Colleen says:

      Yes, me too! What shall I do with my life now? Its lost so much meaning already…

  13. Dee says:

    Watching grown men cry usually makes me a sucker…if the tears are genuine. Fabio Q’s inconsolable break down broke my heart even more than Canna’s sexy stoicism. I *still* want to give them BIG hugs.

    • Lisa says:

      Cannavaro's is the "Don Corleone YOU CAN ACT LIKE A MAN!" face.

      • Dee says:

        I can see how Canna looks that way….he’s very versatile :)

        • Lisa says:

          I love Canna. That look tells me he's the kind of guy who would comfort you during a chick flick or soap opera. His wife is a lucky woman.

          • anthea says:

            Rumours says that Canna told Quagliarella "Because of you I believed we could make until the end".

            Out of the epic fail, Quagliarella was the best player of that match.

          • Dee says:

            Even so, knowing what a bawl-fest The Notebook is for me, I’d never watch it in front of him.

  14. MEER. says:

    Wesley, ofcourse!

  15. Alisha says:

    I cried when I saw Iker cry then I cried even more when I saw nobody was helping Nando, they just let him lie there, it’s so wrong…you just can’t leave Nando lying there!! :(

    • Violets says:

      I know!!! They could have at least lent the guy a hand…

    • nando says:

      oh i cried when nando was down too. :(

    • Nicolle says:

      Oh my god Nando going down was heartbreaking :( especially since no one helped him. And Iker crying was probably the cutest thing I have ever seen.

    • Erin says:

      But Dirk looked so worried about him from the sidelines. Sweetheart. I love those boys.

  16. says:

    Oh, poor Nando. Maybe those were “It hurts so bad” tears. I nearly cried myself when I saw how he fell on the ground :(

  17. Zlatanista says:

    Asamoah Gyan! God, that was cruel, it really ripped my heart out! And when Iker started crying long before the game was over i was like: "oh no, wait!" And then i started crying my self.

    • Zlatanista says:

      I forgot Nando. I felt soo bad when i saw him lying there crying. Will he ever mend? Freckles, i feel your pain!

  18. Rezia says:

    Why does Gerard Pique keep making me love him? So insanely hot to see him cry. A man who's not afraid to show emotion…le sigh…le swoon

    • Tashinka says:

      That explains where he went. I'm so smitten with him that it freaked me out when all the shots were missing a Piqué. But he was crying? And people in the stands were trying to hug him? I would've too… god that man is beautiful.

      I just went back to look at the cookie/biscuit commercial and you know what? His voice sounds exactly like I imagined. Not like some of the others, when you hear them you're like, who are you?

      • Melaniee says:

        OMGG I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.

        like pique his voice is sooo sexy and perfect. <3

        and torres had a deeper voice then i wouldve thought

        and villa is a little higher then i thought.

        • Eebza says:

          YES EXACTLY!!!! although i imagined villa’s voice to be like that… err. whatevz, he’s still hot
          also really am not into casillas’ voice either… sara’s is more masculine! again, whatever, he’s still hot
          torres.. :) nice.
          pique… great
          sergio ramos. the best, ;)

    • Lisa says:

      I didn’t know he cried until I saw that pic. Awww Geri, my love for you is complete. Nuria better tie him down. Our boy is a made man now.

  19. jazzler says:

    You forgot the inconsolable Cardozo after the Paraguay v. Spain match. Cardozo with the accompanying man hugs of comfort from la seleccion espanol! We need links as well <3

  20. Alessandra says:

    Ghana's tears of heartbreak and Iker's tears of overwhelming joys had me bawling like a baby.

  21. JiveHonkey says:

    I've been trying to find a good picture of crying Iker, but I can not find one that satisfies. I want full streaming tears and that beautiful mug lifted to the heavens. C'mon, photogs! What are you good for? You KNEW it was coming! Did you wiff this as bad as that forward did for Nederland?!?!?!?

  22. Louise says:

    Iker's uncontrollable crying after the final was so endearing; if I didn't already adore him…

    • Steph says:

      I know, right? I found it pretty adorable. :) Same with that pic of Pique above. He just looks too cute!

  23. Lisa says:

    what about the North Korean guy before the Brazil game, the "We are about to get slaughtered, what the hell am I doing here? we are the laughing stock of World football, our country and our leader don't even know we are here but we are still here!" tears. Those tears were epic… unfortunately he should have saved them for the Portugal match. Ah men crying. Never has something so cringeworthy also been such a turn on. Its like watching a Patrick Swayze movie.

    • Lisa says:

      I'm so sorry I completely forgot he's longer with us. He was a great actor. RIP Patrick Swayze. This post should have "She's Like The Wind" playing in the background. Goes well with all the man tears.

      • Taylor says:

        I found this a bit disrespectful not only of the player but of an entire country, whether it was meant in jest or not.
        The player you are speaking of is Korean but normally plays for Japan.
        He was crying because he was so proud to be representing his own country at the World Cup.
        And yes, both Kim Jong-Il and the people in North Korea knew their team made it to the World Cup. They may not be able to watch the matches on their television like you, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have pride in their country.

  24. gina says:

    Genius post

  25. sarrible says:

    Stoic Cannavaro is KILLING ME. OMG, the manliness. Pardon me while I swoon a little.

  26. VP says:

    Aww, poor Benny. Kickette, please tell me that we're going to have F5 and Elite 11 revisions! :)

  27. carly says:

    I'm now crying "Oh this is so hilarious!" tears. Good job!

  28. senora ramos says:

    awwww, kickette. :'( so many tears. so much heartbreak and joy. only the wc can do this. is it 2014 yet?!

    • MrsNesta says:

      We're back now after all the footie distractions LOL, so many tears from me also, some joy but loads out of frustration!!!!!! BUT LOVE MAN TEARS :)

      • senora ramos says:

        yea! i missed you!!

        my addition to the tears came in a bar on june 26th :'(

        • Thea says:

          Actually ladies – kinda over it all now. It all feels like the come down and even an anti-climax, guess I'm sick of working out at the resort, so just want to get back to UK, rain and the EPL with La Ligua on Sundays, and ribbing you both!!!

          • senora ramos says:

            yeah, not being in spain does somehow make me a bit over it. i too am ready for the leagues to start up. or at least the friendlies. RM v CA, still looking for a place to stay. lol! plus brasil v usa and mexico v spain in august.

            the sad boys do break my heart though :(

            also, happy birthday to memo :D

            • Thea says:

              LOL, My bday coinsides with CL semi’s so is always filled with drama. Only 4 weeks to go here at the resort – and then no more overseas jobs till the F1 Abu Dhabi in November!

  29. Jo says:

    Another win! :D