July 13th, 2010
World Cup Criers: A Meme On Man Tears
Image via Getty/Daylife
Another World Cup has come and gone. Hearts have either been broken or burst open with pride. Credit card debt has its moment in the sun. All the Budweiser has been tapped dry. And tears. So many tears have been shed, we wish we’d gotten into the eye cream/cold spoon merch six months ago.
We’ve lovingly covered crying men in the past. But this time around, it’s different. The stakes were so high, emotions so on edge. And thus, the cry-game was elevated to new, lip quivering heights.
Let’s examine, shall we?
Above is Ghana’s Asamoah Gyan, demonstrating I Let An Entire Continent Down tears. We feel for him, Kickettes. Gyan had a great tournament, but at that crucial moment during Ghana’s quarterfinal match against Uruguay, he failed to convert a penalty kick that would have helped his team advance to the semifinals and kept African hopes alive. We’re hoping someone has Fed-Exed him an industrial sized box of Ferrero Rocher. And a therapist. Bless.
Gerard Pique is crying I’ve Peaked At Age 23 tears. (We have tubes of mascara older than that.) The delectable Spanish defender may have just joined the ranks of the most decorated athletes ever, Kickettes: he’s won two Champions League titles (Man United and Barcelona), the Spanish treble, and now the World Cup.
Where can he go from here? Best to just call it a career now before you start doing ridiculous promos, Ger. Er wait…
Image: AP Photo
In actuality, he is crying, What The Crap Did I Get Myself Into and How Fast Can I Book My Hols? tears.
We may never know the truth about what happened to France in South Africa, but seeing so many of our favorite hommes with the sads was bad for our Louboutin budget.
Iker Casillas was certainly not shy about showing emotion during this year’s tournament. The man of the moment cried some Is This A Mental Breakdown Because I Can’t Stop Sobbing And It’s A Big One, We’re Talking Ugly Cry Face, Snot Running Down My Face And I Don’t Care Who Knows It, Also I Need A Hug And A Tissue, Please tears. And… we love him even more for it. To love Iker, is to love his emo. Winning the World Cup was the perfect storm of career achievment and mental touchstone in one.
Image: JAVIER SORIANO/AFP/Getty Images.
These are, unquestionably, Why Me???!??! tears. To say that our favourite freckle-bearer had a less than stellar tournament is an understatement. He wasn’t match fit, but tried hard anyway. Rest up please, Nando. We need your freckles for the start of the domestic season or we’re going to have to borrow Gyan’s box of Ferrero Rocher. And that might make him cry again.
Image credit: Doug Pensinger/Getty Images.
And let’s not forget some of the other sad lads we featured – from Fabio Quagliarella, who brought his Utter And Complete Despair sobs out for Italy after their early exit; Landon Donovan’s post-game interview breakdown (Sobbing Uncontrollably But I Got This, Don’t Worry tears) and team-mate Benny Feilhaber’s No One This Pretty Should Ever Be Sad tears; and one of the tournament stand-outs: Wesley Sneijder’s My Lip May Quiver But I Will Not Break despair.
We’re off to get a box of tissues and a pint of tea. Sniffle.