May 27th, 2010

World Cup Merch We Love: Scoregasm

ScoregasmWe’re all over the World Cup-related goodies that have been coming our way in the countdown to kick-off (t-minus 14 days, for those counting).

Not sure we can ever top products like Sylvie van der Vaart in her Dutchy dress, but this is the closest we’ll probably get.

Without sounding like a late-night infomercial, have you and your mate ever fantasized about England-themed sexytimes? If so, you’re in luck because the folks at LoveHoney have created the Scoregasm England Remote Control Love Egg, which promises to make you “feel like you’ve won the Cup”. (Frank Lampard not included.)

That’s right: using a vibrator is now considered an acceptable way to be supportive of the England squad.

Using the same life-changing social science that we at Kickette like to pride ourselves on, LoveHoney have also conducted their own version of “Snog, Marry and Avoid”, (just like our own Kickette Army did last year). The LH results? Joe Cole came up top in the snogging stakes, Stevie G. was voted best marriage material, and a huge 73% of ladies wouldn’t touch Ashley Cole with a long, sharp pointy thing.

We’re not entirely comfortable inquiring about our readers’ purchase intents, but we’re always down for a rousing game of National Team Snog, Marry and Avoid. Which three NT members (of any country) make your list?

Via: ONTDFootball.

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64 Responses to “World Cup Merch We Love: Scoregasm”

  1. Toys says:

    Would snog Joe Hart, marry Stevie G, and avoid the hell out of John Terry.

    Spain is too hard to decide upon.

  2. DavidVilla7_Lover says:

    Spain NT:
    snog: the hole team!! no wait, not Puyol (sorry, puyii but u reminds me of tarzan but you are my faourite Barca captajn!!), Iniesta (sooooory, Andrés you soo great and i love you, but u just reminds me of a little shy kid, & im not very atracted to you :D ) and senna!!

    Marry: David Villa Sánchez!! <3 <3 i loooooove him… Xavi is soooo sweat to but i just looooove El Guaje!!

    Avoid: Hmmmm..! i looove u all guys but i have to say Puyol & Senna!! & maybe a little bit Iniesta but he's still my 3# favourite player..! <3
    campeons del mundo..! <3

  3. Sylvia says:

    Snog: Gerard pique, xabi alonso, david villa,

    Marry: fabregas, and then i can do what i want all the time ;)

    Avoid: puyol, john terry

    ……also geraaaaaard but i dno where he would fit in :S


  4. beaniebaby says:

    (I just realised doesn't bocanegra translate to blackface??? I'm not sure that's a good thing for me lol)


    Snog: Reina, then sneak behind a bush and snog Casillas then…

    Marry: Casillas hehe! or reina im not sure

    Avoid: Nando,Ramos,Villa they just piss me off for some reason

  5. Emily says:

    I would snog nearly all of the Roja Furia.

    Don't need to marry – already done that… and really, where does that get anyone? Oh yeah – the money…

    and who to avoid? in all futbol, tevez…hands down… he needs to mix in some evolution…

  6. eatmyboost says:

    Spain NT

    Snog – Villa, Cesc
    Marry – Iker, Reina
    Avoid – Puyol

  7. Einah says:


    Snog: Iker

    Marry: No other than the Bitchface :D

    Avoid: hhmmmm Puyol? I'm a bit scared of the hair


    Snog: Sex on legs Marco

    Marry: CANNA forever :D

    Avoid: Not sure…

  8. Redgirl says:

    England – can I snog Stevie AND marry him? Avoid: JT/AC of course.

    Spain – snog Iker, marry Xabi and Nando (I'll turn Mormon or something) avoid the midfield munchkins.

    Argentina – snog Sergio, marry Messi, avoid Tevez.

  9. Swooning over Spain says:

    Snog: Pique, Torres, Fabregas, Villa, Ramos
    Marry: Xabi Alonso, Casillas
    Avoid: Xavi, Puyol

    Snog: Joe Cole, Theo Walcott
    Marry: Steven Gerrard
    Avoid: Crouch, Ashley Cole, Ferdinand

  10. MariaCasi says:

    snog: Ramos and Pique
    marry: a thousand times Iker Casillas. Period. <333
    avoid: Puyol…yah…hmm….

  11. NandosGirl says:

    Snog: Bocanegra. Oh, yum.
    Marry: Dempsey! Love him to pieces.
    Avoid: Landy D. Doesn’t do much for me.

    Snog: Um, Fabregas, No, Villa. No, Casillas. No, wait… :P
    Marry: Nando, Nando, Nando, a thousand times Nando.
    Avoid: Iniesta. Blech.

    Snog: Joe Hart.
    Marry: Stevie!
    Avoid: JT. No explanation needed.

    Snog: Gilardino, perhaps.
    Marry: Canna. Oh, he’s to die for.
    Avoid: Borriello. Hell to the no. That is all.

  12. Gina says:

    LOL!! "frank lampard not included" :P

  13. Zlatanista says:

    Spanish NT:

    Snog: all of them (so many boys, and so little time)
    Marry: Iniesta or Pique
    Avoid: Nope, not me

  14. XanJie says:

    Would snog Joe Hart, marry Stevie G, and avoid the hell out of John Terry.

    Spain is too hard to decide upon.

  15. C16 says:

    Ohhh!!! I like this!!!

    I'll start with my NT.

    Mexico NT.

    Snog: Hector Moreno

    Marry: Memo Ochoa

    Avoid: Pretty much the rest of the team. lol

    Spain NT.

    Snog: Victor V.

    Marry: IKER!!!!

    Avoid: Iniesta

    Italy NT.

    Snog: Fabio Cannavaro

    Marry: Fabio Cannavaro

    Avoid: Anyone that's not Fabio Cannavaro

    England NT.

    Snog: Lampsy

    Marry: Joe Hart

    Avoid: Ashley Cole and JT

    My Alexandre is not going to the WC but I'd snog/marry him anytime!

    • senora ramos says:

      i would totally snog/marry ochoa. do i have to renounce my citizenship now? shh, we just won't tell the other americans!! :D

  16. MrsNesta says:

    English NT (if they win the WC I would ‘snog’ them all)

    Snog: Frank Lampard
    Marry: Robert Green
    Avoid: John Terry

    Italian NT

    Snog: Marco Borriello
    Marry: Fabio Cannavaro
    Avoid: Simone Pepe

    Spanish NT

    Snog: Xabi Alonso
    Marry: Iker Casillas
    Avoid: Victor Valdes (he reminds of my friends ex husband)

    French NT

    Snog: Florent Malouda
    Marry: Yoann Gourcuff
    Avoid: Frank Ribery

    I want to do one for each team as well but maybe will come back to it :)

    • MrsNesta says:

      German NT
      Snog: Holger Badstuber Marry: Mario Gomez Avoid: Hans-Jorg Butt

      South Africa NT
      Snog: Surprise Moriri (<3 the name) Marry: Steven Pienaar Avoid: Matthew Booth

      Danish NT
      Snog: Daniel Agger Marry: Nicklas Bendtner Avoid: Jon Dahl Tomasson

      Brazil NT
      Snog: Dani Alves Marry: Kaka Avoid: Lucio

  17. Nancy says:

    Hola Kickettes!

    I'm new here, been lurking for a while and wasn't planning on posting but this is too tempting!

    Ok…so here we go:

    Spain NT

    Snog: Pique, Iker, Torres (or really the entire team, I'm game)

    Marry: Villa

    Avoid: Iniesta (he just does absolutely nothing for me)

    Italia NT

    Snog: Gilardino, Di rossi, Borriello

    Marry: Cannavaro (Italian God…just perfect)

    Avoid: avoid Italians?? no, niente

    Argentina NT

    This is basically for Messi…I'd marry him. I so would.

    Btw, I flippin love this blog. :)

    • MrsNesta says:

      Hola Nancy :)

      Marry: Cannavaro (Italian God…just perfect) – totally agree and would also snog DDR lol :)

      • Nancy says:

        Hi MrsNesta :)

        oh and I forgot Totti…I mean, I know he’s not on Italia NT anymore but oh, mama like.

        • MrsNesta says:

          Yeh would defo snog Totti and of course would totally marry Alessandro Nesta, going to miss these guys at the WC :(

  18. Riya (Come on you Reds!) says:

    Snog: The rest.
    Marry: Xabier
    Avoid. None. Okay maybe Ramos.

    Snog: Carra
    Marry: Stevie
    Avoid: JT and Ashley Cole

  19. lillade says:

    uruguay nt.
    snog: diego forlan
    marry: diego lugano
    avoid: walter gargano

    spain nt.
    snog: pique, mata, llorente.
    marry: iker, xavi, xabi, cesc, torres, navas.
    avoid: arbeloa, senna.

  20. senora ramos says:

    snog: swagtastic dempsey
    marry: bocajuniors
    avoid: bornsucko (sorry girls, i’m still angry about the inclusion, i know that’s mean)

    snog: the whole team
    marry: el ramos
    avoid: does not compute

    • senora ramos says:

      bocajuniors = bocanegra

      i would also snog stu :D

      (btw, i love that word! lol!)

  21. Bria says:

    Brazil NT

    Snog: Tiago Silva/Nilmar
    Marry: Nilmar/Tiago Silva
    Avoid: 1st choice would have been Ronaldinho hands down but since he ain’t there i’m going with Grafite

  22. Anastasia says:

    Frank Lampard not included? What’s the point?

    German NT
    Snog: Schweinsteiger
    Marry: Ballack (injury, sminjury–he still counts, imo.)
    Avoid: Mesut Özil

  23. juventina5 says:

    Italian NT
    Snog: Borriello/Pazzini
    Marry: Borriello/Pazzini
    Avoid: Quagliarella/Pepe – they just creep the hell outta me =\

    • LizB (Mrs. Vucinic) says:

      lol, Quags is definitely to be avoided… he's so skeevy :/

      • juventina5 says:

        LOL Theres just something about him anddd Pepe that creeps me out…everytime I see them I just *shudder* LOL

  24. Senorita Iniesta says:

    Spain NT.

    Snog: The Ramos
    Marry: Andres Iniesta

    Avoid: Carles Puyol. THE HAIR is all I’m going to say ’bout him.

  25. ElNino9 says:

    Oh, and England NT:

    Snog: Walcott/Lennon

    Marry: Stevie

    Avoid: Carrick

  26. ElNino9 says:

    Spanish National Team:

    Snog: David Villa

    Marry: Torres :)

    Avoid: Ramos

    • We’re a match made in heaven. I have the same 3. :D

      • Missy Manchester says:

        A match? You're each other's arch-nemeses! LOL You'd have to do a snog-off competition to see who gets Villa and a bride-off to see who gets Torres. Too funny. :D

  27. MUfcMarie says:


    Snog: Michael Bradley

    Marry: Stu Holden!!!

    Avoid: Never!


    Snog: Joe Hart

    Marry: Michael Carrick

    Avoid: John Terry

  28. Erin says:

    I'm going to name my scoregasm "Steven Gerrard".

    • MUfcMarie says:

      Hahaha that was awesome.

    • Anastasia says:

      Lol, that should have been the real question of this post. What would everyone name their scoregasm?
      Only downfall is we’d be limited to the England NT (not that they aren’t a gorgeous bunch).

  29. imhereforthenando says:

    Snog: the whole Spanish national team

    Marry: the whole Spanish national team

    Avoid: I don't avoid footballers

  30. lorena_chanel says:

    France NT

    Snog-Theiry Henry

    Marry- *YOANN GOURCUFF!!! *

    Avoid- Frank Ribery !


    Snog: I don't know why but -Sergio Ramos,no wait Cassilas,no Valdes :-)

    Marry: el Nino :-D

    Avoid: Puyol

  31. I'd like to do one for each team, but anyway,

    Spain NT

    Snog: David Villa

    Marry: Fernando Torres

    Avoid: Sergio Ramos

    And because I can't resist, Argentina

    Snog: Sergio Aguero

    Marry: Lionel Messi

    Avoid: Carlos Tevez

    Whew, I'm done.